“Are you nervous about having the baby, Ms. Lindsey?” This was one of the first questions I was asked this week by one of our fourth graders while I visited classrooms to introduce Mr. Kevin, who will be filling in for me while I am on maternity leave. I found myself pausing for a moment and then emphatically agreeing. Even though I have been a school counselor for thirteen years and know a lot about parenting strategies and child development from a professional angle, my husband and I have never been parents ourselves and will be in a few short weeks. I feel the anxiety in me along with all of my other feelings about impending parenthood. 

Anxiety is a common struggle we face for many different reasons. Things that may seem easy to one person may cause huge anxiety in someone else. At the beginning of the year, Ms. Phair asked our elementary staff as part of an activity about their level of comfort with dancing in public. Several staff got up and started dancing right away without a care in the world. Others of us sat frozen staring at the wall hoping we were not going to have to get up and join our colleagues. The range of individual comfort for something that could be seen as minor was very evident in the room.

While it can be easier to identify when an adult or older teen is anxious since they are usually able to recognize it in themselves, it can be harder to understand the signs of possible anxiety in children. We might assume that a kid is only anxious if they withdraw, avoid, or cry. However, a child can also express anxiety through being restless, fidgety, hyperactive, or distracted. An anxious child might also express anxiety by complaining about physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches with no identifiable medical reason. Understood.org has a great list of some of the common physical, emotional, and behavioral signs of anxiety in young children and tweens/teens. If you recognize some of these signs in your own child, they also have a simple resource to help parents and teachers determine if the anxiety is likely typical or an anxiety problem that may require professional support.

Often when confronted with an anxious child, whether having typical anxiety or a deeper issue, we might not know how to best support them. Our first instinct is to try to remove the source of the anxiety completely. However in doing so we are not helping prepare the child to overcome future anxious moments they will inevitably face. It is important that we support them in working through the anxiety, but not rescuing them from it. 

Here are some basic suggestions for caregivers from What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious: How to Respect Feelings Without Empowering Fears. For a detailed description of each point, please click on the article.

1. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it.
2. Do not avoid things just because they make a child anxious.
3. Express positive—but realistic—expectations.
4. Respect their feelings, but don’t empower them.
5. Do not ask leading questions.
6. Do not reinforce the child’s fears.
7. Encourage the child to tolerate his/her anxiety.
8. Try to keep the anticipatory period short.
9. Think things through with the child.
10. Try to model healthy ways of handling anxiety yourself.

If you wish to speak to someone in our school community more about overcoming anxiety, please feel free to reach out to any member of our AAS counseling team. We are here to help. For elementary families, please reach out to Kevin Phair (kphair@aas-sofia.org) while I am on leave starting after the October Break. 

I look forward to seeing everyone on my return later this school year. Have a wonderful October Break whatever you do! Take care!

Lindsey Moore

ES Counselor